This is my job...prop porn

I was talking to an acquaintance the other day about how strange my job can be at times, and told her this story. Her response was, "That's hysterical, you should write a blog about all of your props adventures." I thought it was kind of funny. I do write a blog about props, but I never think to include day to day adventures, just interesting projects and step-by-step how-to's. I don't know if it's going to stick, but I'd like to experiment with changing that.
So to start out my posts about the mischief I get myself into daily, shopping for prop porn.

I rarely turn down help when I am out shopping unless I know exactly what I am looking for and where to find it in the store (like when I go to buy hot glue at Michaels or screws at Home Depot). Employees beware, you may be asking "Can I help you?" just to be polite, but I am going to take advantage of that and ask you, not only where I might find something, but also how to use it, or what it's traditional purpose is, or what it reminds you of. Some stores are especially fun to ask for help in, because almost no one asks for any help. To illustrate my point...my adventures porn shopping.


(door bell rings as I enter)


Friendly Adult Bookstore Cashier- Hi


Me- Hello (looking him straight in the eyes and staying at the counter) 


Cashier- Can I help you?


Me- Actually yes, I have a sort of strange question for you. I am a props master working on a play and I need to find a piece of fairly specific porn that they describe in the script. 


Cashier- Okay, what does it need to be?


Me- In the script two teenage brothers are sitting on the stoop of their house and the one is explaining sex to the other. he pulls out a page from a magazine and says something to the effect of, "that's what it looks like down there, except not that big, they call her the Texas Tunnel, most girls don't look like the Texas Tunnel." 


Cashier- (interrupting) They're not really teenage boys are they, because otherwise I can't sell this to you. 


Me- No, they are adult actors playing teenage boys, no worries. If you could let me know which of these magazines might have an image that could pass for the Texas Tunnel that would be great, I really don't feel like looking through stacks of magazines to find something appropriate. 


Cashier- (Leading me over to a rack of magazines) This one might have a few pictures like that, or maybe that one)


The Cashier and I start flipping nonchalantly through porn magazines and showing each other images. 


Me- (settling on one that had three or four decent images for the director to choose from) I think this one will work, thanks! 


Cashier- (as he is ringing me up)- So where's this play going to be? What's it about? Do you have any fliers or post cards?


Me- It's going to be at X theatre and it opens next weekend. 


I tell him a little more about the plot and curse myself for not having grabbed a few more postcards the last time I was at the theatre. 


Me- By the way, this will be tax exempt. 


Cashier- (blank stare) I don't have any idea how to do that...we don't usually have people do that in this store.


And the moral of the story is...you 'll be surprised where you might find friendly, helpful, employees who are theatre fans, and you'll probably just have to eat the tax when buying props from an adult book store. 

Side note- I go into adult stores frequently when I need prop handcuffs. Almost any adult toy store will have a good pair of handcuffs, with an easy safety release, for a decent price, and they will hold up way better than any you will find in a costume store (like party city) or a toy store.